A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Keyboard

  If you're wondering where I was all weekend, I was at the public library, plugging away at my novel. I take my I pod, stick in my earphones crank the volume, and do my best to ignore the other patrons. This takes some doing. They want to sit at your table while there are five empty ones. They want to make friends. They want you to come to their church. They want to sell you something. They want to know if your seeing anyone. I want to know is there any way to make them go away short of a gun.
   Of course I have my favorites as well. There Is the nicely dressed older lady who is having a conversation with herself and her six other personalities. (As someone with her own imaginary friends I can relate.) And I confess to some fondness for the college student at the next table. His interest in me extends just far enough to keep an eye on my computer while I am in the rest room, in exchange for the same service. Other than that we each pretend the other is not there. My absolute favorite though, is the off duty cop two tables away. He answers every interaction with, "Ma'am as long as you're not hanging yourself with the blind cord I don't care."
   As fraught with distraction as the library is, it is easier to work there than home. At home there is the ever present 35 pounds of constant distraction.
  "Mommy I love you."
  "I love you too dear."
  "Mommy, your name is mommy"
  "I know  sweetie." And off he goes again. He returns two and on half min. later, in the middle of a particularly tricky scene.
  "Mommy I need a mustache."
  "I'm sorry you what?"
  "I need a mustache! Like Daddy's."
   "Well, when Daddy comes home ask if you can borrow his."  He nodes as if this makes perfect sense and runs off. I'm stunned that it worked.
   Thirty seconds later he's back. "Mommy I need scotch tape. Right Now!"
   "Here, have the whole role. Go crazy." And he's gone again This buys me almost ten min. of uninterrupted silence. At this point I honestly don't care if he tapes the whole house.
  "Mommy, where is my ping pong ball? It was right here. And now IT'S GONE!!!" I desperately search my memory for a ping pong ball. We don't have one. Okay. Which toy  has been nicked named ping pong?
  "Do you mean your hacky sack?"
   "Um, no."
  "Do you mean the toy you got from Burger King yesterday?"
  "Yeah! YEAH! YEAH!!"
   "There on your table, next to your Mickey Mouse chicken" He stares right at it, pokes it with his little finger.
   "I don't see it."
  "Right there in front of you."
  "Uhh. Its not." When I get up and walk over there to hand it to him he yells "Oh there it is."
  "Uhh Mommy. I has a car. And the car has six guys and rockets. And Anna is in the sport car. She drive really fast. And these guys has paint and the pant stick on a rocket and the car and rocket and paint and frog." (wait where did the frog come from)" And the frog and the snow make a vegetable. I don't eat vegetables. They is yucky. And then I put the race on side ways." Maybe that's why the little plastic building is on its side. He says it's sleeping. How it can sleep with the cars and steamroller rushing in and out I don't know. "And the car hits the lots of little trees. And the trees scream, 'ahhahhhahahhh Stop hitting us!' I think they stopping Mommy. Hey Mimi the cars and the motorcycle is stopping."
  Mommy is thinking of 'stopping since she is getting nothing done.
  "Mommy, I going to grow giant. And then I going to be Daddy."
  "You mean You'll be like Daddy."
  "No, I be Daddy."
  Yeah, I think I'm done for the day.